omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
