I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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