i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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