He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize