My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
