I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize