toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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