if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
