im drinking this country out of the recession.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
