Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
