So drunk, too bad you don't want this
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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