So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
