Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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