Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
