I heard we made out
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
