These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
