She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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