I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
