so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
do herpes really smell.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
