I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
