She is in my trunk
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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