so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
