last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
