so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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