sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
