I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
