I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
