he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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