were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So apparently I’m into choking now
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
