does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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