i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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