How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
