I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
