just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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