so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize