Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
