I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
