I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
