the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i love accidental penises.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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