2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
