Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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