im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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