i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
