i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
