Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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