how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
