I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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