im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
