Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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