dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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