I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
