oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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