I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
