I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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