I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
