So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
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i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
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We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.