new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
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You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
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The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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