When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Maybe he injected his testicle?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The air taste purple.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
