last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
