I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
