Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
