I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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