laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
