I hate all girls vehemently.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
