you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
