Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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