Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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