This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
