so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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