Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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