I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
